Last month, two girls died in a murder suicide at Independence high school in Glendale, Arizona. Dorothy Duitel, was the one who allegedly committed the murder suicide. She borrowed a gun from a friend, claiming it was for protection and then the incident occurred, killing May Kieu and herself. Apparently the two fifteen year olds were in a relationship and it is alleged that the reason for the incident was because the two had broken up, although things aren’t exactly clear on that point. At the scene, there were several letters from Dorothy Duitel, for loved ones and even first responders, telling everyone good-bye and sorry. Although in those letters it did say how much Duitel loved Kieu there was no indication that she wanted to hurt her. Police are still trying to put the pieces together, but everyone seems to have an opinion on the matter and are probably asking why?

I’m sure that many people are trying to understand what Duitel went through and I may not know myself, but I think I can understand and maybe even relate to it in some way. I remember being in high school; I remember accepting I was gay; I remember falling in love so hard and so fast that if that love should end I thought I would too. I also remember the depression the self-loathing and all the countless hours I spent doubting myself and contemplating suicide.

High School isn’t a fun time for most of us and maybe your experiences aren’t as extreme as mine was, but I know we all go through so much and it is a lot to take in. Mostly we are trying to figure out who we are, what we want, and where our future will lead. It is a tough road to walk, but none of us are really alone in it.

The thoughts that circle around in your head can be scary and hard to face because you may discover some hurtful facts about your life you didn’t want to know, but as cliché as it may sound it does get better. Duitel knew there were people who loved her that’s why she left those letters, but she decided to carry the burdens of her pain alone. No one has to carry their pain alone and seeking help if you really need it is nothing to shy away from.

If I hadn’t sought out help I wouldn’t be here today, it’s a sad truth that I face in my life now that I’m 23 and still struggling with things like depression, self-loathing, and insecurity. I’m still having a tough go at this life thing, but I know I’m not alone. If you are going through pain that can lead to the loss of your life or others I urge you to reconsider and get help. Life is a precious thing and now that I’m older I can appreciate it more than I ever could when I was younger. It does get better, so give life a chance and let it get better.

If you need help please call 1-800-273-TALK or visit National Suicide Prevention Lifeline